I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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