respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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