brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
