I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
