No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Pooping to opera.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
