i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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