census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
