my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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