This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Randomize
