By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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