Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
