she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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