but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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