His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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