I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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