there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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