C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
