Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
