it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
