i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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