It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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