I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize