It's Friday. Sex?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
