Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
