i wish semen tasted like chocolate
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
