hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
