I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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