i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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