I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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