24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
