never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
