Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
