Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
