he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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