hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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