I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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