Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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