I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
