We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
