i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
