Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Randomize
