I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
