i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
