i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
