We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
