I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
