you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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