I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
