Quick, to the slutcave!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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