I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
