i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
