He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
