One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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