I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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