You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
