I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
