i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Randomize
