is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
